How to Craft a Culture of Empathy at Your Table- Article

How to craft a culture of empathy at your table- Insights from a Neuro Diversity D&D

Building a culture of empathy is a balancing act. As Game Masters, we must know when to apply our rules, how to make a strengths-based mindset, and allow for chaos to reign, all while understanding the conflict at our table. There are many scenarios where conflict is terrible; however, there are some moments where conflict can be a force for growth, introspection,  and fostering growth in our players. As with most things, knowing when to step back and when to intervene is vital to promoting a healthy environment. 

I genuinely believe that the first step to building empathy is knowing our boundaries as Game Masters.  We have all been in scenarios where people want to take advantage of us, but we have also applied too much authority over a situation. Yet, as Game Masters, it is vital that we know the importance of our comfort zone and learn how to give up our comfort zone when it is essential to. This is the sweet spot, a realm that exists beyond the stormy waters of chaos and chaining our players in place. I encourage you to think for a moment about your favorite moment as a player. Did you get to run free, or make a chaotic choice that led to laughter, or even a legendary moment that stemmed from a mistake, or something else entirely?  How did you feel in that moment? Did your heart beat fast, or did you laugh hysterically, or did you slay a mighty best? Now, I encourage you to think about the freedom you had at that moment. How has that memory stayed with you? I am sure it is hard to choose. However, to counter that, I imagine at that moment, your GM was at the reigns despite all of its freedom, quietly working to inspire this moment. It is easy to forget that control and crafted comfort were also added to the table in those moments. This is, in essence, how great game masters act, knowing when to intervene and when to step aside. They can stay within these realms while maintaining a calm, quiet authority, always at work, always thinking; as such, their authority is always in action, keeping the situation maintained and the story moving.

Another aspect of creating a culture of empathy at our tables is the understanding that none of us is perfect. So often, people confuse authority with being seen as appearing as infallible. Yet, if there is one thing I have learned, it is that an imperfection that maintains grace is far more appreciated by many. Youth, Adults, and seniors do not always look to game masters as a symbol of perfection, and we mustn't expect ourselves to be perfect either. This expectation can do more to create a culture of toxicity than one of empathy.  This is mainly due to the mindset perfectionism crafts; it is a space where error can not exist, and this mindset indeed removes the imperfection that is being human. Imperfection, however, can craft knowledge,  experience,  mindfulness,  and genuine laughter. More importantly, embracing the mindset of imperfection gives all people at the table time to sit and be in the realm of empathy, and by doing so, helps us to acknowledge that we all have room to grow. This must be maintained so it does not spiral into negativity, but when done well, it can be a significant stepping stone towards an environment that puts people first.

Following up on the above idea, I can not encourage the mindset of being willing enough. As Game Masters, it is essential to note that we must be willing to laugh at ourselves and our decisions.  A game master who actually has fun with their players can craft a genuine peer-driven respect. It has the power for our players to feel comfortable and relaxed and craft a space where errors in judgment are not seen as severe. There is also a genuine sense of pride that a player can develop by making a game master laugh. It can be a badge of courage that can foster genuinely creative ideas that go outside the norm. It should be stated that there is a line that should not be crossed between humor and teasing or even bullying.  If a player feels the table is hostile or the game master is mocking them, they very well may never return. That being noted, it is essential to remember to read the room and be mindful of when we need to apply boundaries.

There is much to creating a culture of empathy at our tables, and that is an ongoing practice. The methods mentioned here are just the beginning and should be built upon as you go in each session.  It should also be noted that while these are steps that can be made towards a more empathic setting, there is always room to grow, and we must foster these skills in order to keep them prevalent and ongoing, and so often, that starts with a focus on listening and then acting.